thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
