My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
