I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
