I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
