Soap is not a condiment
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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