I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
