hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
