i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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