They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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