Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize