Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Less talking, more tequila
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
