So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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