Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize