Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
