he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
