yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
