i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
