The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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