You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize