Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
