I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
