Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
