I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
