Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
