Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
