You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
