We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
