Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
