fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
