Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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