ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
