I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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