I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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