I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
