grandma shit on top of the toilet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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