I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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