Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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