and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
