I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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