remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize