M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
