She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The power of my boobs compel you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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