I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize