well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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