so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
