theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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