Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize