1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
