I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
