I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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