Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
