I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize