Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
