he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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