I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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