Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
