So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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