Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
So. Much. Porn.
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