New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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