That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
