just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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