Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
