I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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