i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
