OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
