I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
