I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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