Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
