i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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