I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
PANTIES FOUND
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
