I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
