Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
