i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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