Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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