I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
