your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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