Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
