I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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