Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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