I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
two words...techno handjob
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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