Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
