end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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