i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
