I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
