I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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