apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
