just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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