nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
