I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
