Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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