bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize