Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
