So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
