I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
