I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize