I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
