all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
