just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
