i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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