that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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