Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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