He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
