He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
