is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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