1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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