Dual....:-)
In the future we'll all be gay
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
