i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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